


The Words

by Desparado



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, Gen, psychology nerd, steve rogers is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-10-17 19:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17566499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desparado/pseuds/Desparado
Summary: You are a successful psychologist and hypnotherapist previously having worked with Dr. Bruce Banner- which is how you met the other Avengers. Set after the events of Captain America: Civil War, you offer to help Bucky recover and learn how to control the Winter Soldier. You and Bucky both get to understand not just about each other but about yourselves as well.





	1. Meeting Sgt. Barnes

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: swear words, violent scenes, moments where reader is choked/almost killed, swearing (probably- it is me), fluff (deffo- this is me), anything else will be noted on each chapter.

Chapter Warning: swear words (a handful), it’s a lot of background/setting up the story but not quite a prologue.

When you got the call, you weren’t surprised. It was a private number, but you knew before you answered who it was.  
“Hey y/n, how are you?” That calming voice eased your stress; you were worried something bad had happened to Steve and the others, so hearing him was hugely reassuring.  
“Hello my dear, I’m much better for hearing from you! How is everyone? Is Wanda okay? Is she with you?” Concern once again filling your throat, she was a good friend to you and you cared deeply for her. Seeing the people you cared about locked up in Ross’ underwater hell-prison was heart-breaking; so when you heard about the security breach ending in 4 missing prisoners, you just knew deep down that it had something to do with Steve. “She’s fine, everyone is fine. Listen there’s a blue envelope with your mail, right?” You checked the pile on your desk and surely enough, the corner of a small pastel blue envelope was sticking out. He carried on, “Just… open it up and go with it. See you soon.” Then he hung up.  
You almost dropped your phone grabbing the envelope and ripping it open, but what was inside you didn’t expect. A return ticket to Ethiopia with a leaflet claiming you had been accepted as a guest lecturer with a mental health community centre that you knew didn’t exist. What was he up to?  
“Wha’cha got there, y/n?” You looked up. Tony was leaning against your door frame, a box of chocolates in his hand. You two had a falling out of your own when you wanted to be the one to evaluate Bucky, and again when you found out what happened to Wanda and the others. You knew you couldn’t hide the envelope now. “I’m going away for a week or so. Starting tomorrow.” You stated, not looking at him as you began collecting your things. You could hear him moving further into the room. “Oh. Going to visit someone?” He inquired. You paused your packing, laughed to yourself, and shook your head. When you straightened up, he was next to you with an almost guilty expression. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. I actually came to give these-“ He held up the box of Cadbury’s Milk Tray chocolates-“to you. The clearest head on the team and I didn’t listen. If I’d convinced Ross to let you do the eval, this whole mess would be a lot smaller. But anyway, have a great trip.” You thanked him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, a sign that you weren’t mad at him. “Call me if you need anything.” He shouted as he left the room.

*

The flight to Ethiopia was long, giving you a chance to reflect on the past couple of weeks. Flashbacks to seeing the Vienna explosion on the news, the incident with Bucky becoming the Winter Soldier again in Berlin- and feeling completely and utterly helpless the whole time- kept you wide awake. When you had landed and collected your suitcase, you walked into the arrivals lounge and spotted a smart looking gentleman with your name on a placard. As you approached him, you asked him who he was. “I’m here to take you to your hotel, courtesy of your favourite patriot.” He replied, a genuine, trusting smile on his face. Your own smile grew, knowing Steve had told him to say that as a form of passcode. After a not-so-short car ride, you checked in to the hotel and made your way upstairs. The receptionist said that your room-service was already there as requested; so when you opened the door, you were not at all shocked by the bulky blond-haired man who sat in the desk chair opposite. You almost ran to him wrapping your arms around his neck and embracing him. You both got on so well and became quite close, though not as much as him and Natasha. “God I’m so glad you’re okay.” Relief evident in your voice as you whispered in his ear. He hugged you tighter and you remained that way for a few minutes.  
He helped you with your suitcase and proceeded to explain everything: from the fight at the airport to the jailbreak at the Raft prison, whilst you poured yourself some of the fruit tea that came with your ‘room service’. When he finished, he took a deep breath and glanced your way. You leaned against the desk and thought for a minute, taking in everything he had said; having heard Tony’s side of the story you could now piece the whole thing together. “And now, Captain America needs my help.” You joked, bringing your cup to your lips.  
“No y/n,” He shuffled in his chair, “Steve Rogers needs your help.” He looked deeply- and personally- concerned. “I need your expertise. Bucky is convinced that he can’t have the Winter Soldier removed from his head and so he plans on going back into cryo for everyone’s safety. I know you helped Nat and Bruce create their calming method, I was hoping you might be able to do something similar to him?” His puppy eyes bore into you as you soaked in what he said. Yes: you created the ‘sun going down’ behavioural trigger with Nat and Bruce, but it took work and it was with a subject who hadn’t been exposed to previous cognitive modification. You explained this to Steve and he nodded as you spoke, the hope fading in his eyes. “But…” your eyebrows rose as your mind began whirling through theories and hypotheses, “It wouldn’t hurt to try. He has to be open to it himself otherwise it’ll never work. They used torture to brand this on his brain, Steve. I’m gonna have to science the shit out of this.” Steve’s eyes lit up as you spoke, he got up and wrapped you into a tight hug as he thanked you. As he left, he told you to be ready at 3:30am and make your way to the roof. You squinted your eyes in suspicion but agreed anyway, you did trust him after all. Checking your watch, you realised you had about 6 hours to try and get some much-needed sleep. Kicking off your shoes, you set an alarm on your phone and let yourself fall onto the bed fully dressed. Sleep came very quickly after that.

*

The dreaded alarm came around far too quickly and you dragged yourself into the shower, unsure of what you were getting into. Feeling a bit more awake, and once you’d changed into something clean, you hauled your suitcase up 2 flights of the service stairway that led you to the roof. When you were there, you were surprisingly greeted by a small aircraft and a tall woman you recognised to be part of the Wakandan Dora Milaje. She nodded at you and indicated for you to get into the back seat. It was a very strange and wonderful journey as you cruised past buildings and houses like a hurricane, whizzing in a straight line to where you assumed Wakanda was. Heading straight towards a dense forest, you tensed up uncontrollably before marvelling at the change in environment as soon as you entered. You were hugely impressed by the cloaking device that you almost didn’t see the incredible view you had of Wakanda. Before long, you were landing in a clearing surrounded by magnificent skyscrapers, and you caught sight of Steve and the new King T’Challa. You thanked your pilot as you came off the craft and walked towards them, smiling at both of them.  
“Welcome to Wakanda, Dr. y/l/n.” announced T’Challa. You bowed your head in response, everything still feeling like a dream. They led you into the main building, someone taking your suitcase as you continued with Steve and your host. “My apologies for the early rise Doctor, but our craft are better camouflaged at night.” T’Challa gave a light smile as he spoke.  
“Please call me y/n. I’m not a big fan of formalities unless someone’s irritated me.” You replied, the two men in front of you giving a light-hearted chuckle. A young woman came over to T’Challa and whispered something to him. She smiled at you and then quickly disappeared.  
“It appears that our friend is becoming impatient.” He reported. 

*

After a few minutes of walking you found yourself in a medium sized laboratory, with only 3 people inside: 2 men in lab coats and 1 Bucky Barnes. The lab techs bowed to their King and exited the room, causing Bucky to look away from the cryo tube and towards you. He seemed confused at first which was understandable, considering he didn’t actually know who you were.  
“Buck,” Steve began, “This is Dr. y/n y/l/n. She’s a very good friend of mine and has offered to help you get back to being yourself.” You twitched slightly at that remark, quickly looking at Steve. Did he really think you could magically reverse time? Bucky seemed to notice your reaction. “Steve, I appreciate what you’re doing for me but it isn’t gonna work-”  
T’Challa interrupted, “I beg to differ Sergeant Barnes.” Everyone looked at him, including yourself. “After Captain Rogers suggested the idea and I did some reading and was very impressed with what I read. Even my sister was impressed by your realistic look at behavioural and cognitive therapy.” He looked at you and smiled, a warm flush creeped up your neck at the compliment. You decided now was your turn to speak. “Look, you are not the only one who has said that what I do is a load of crap. All I ask for is an open mind and a bit of teamwork.” You looked at the men’s faces, all eyes on you. “I can’t tell you IF this will work, let alone WHEN it will. But I can tell you that I will work as hard as I ever have before.” Your honesty is what Steve appreciated most, and it seems that so did Bucky.  
He leaned on his arm and sighed. “But I’ve never met you. How do I know if you can even do this stuff?” A grin broke out on your face and you gave a small but menacing laugh.  
“Well… want me to show you with Steve?” you asked, glancing over at the super soldier- he looked nervous. “Oh come on, you loved it when I did it with Clint last Christmas, you’ve gotta take one for the team!” He took a deep breath and agreed, Bucky and T’Challa moved themselves to fully view the display (as well as the two lab techs who reappeared). You sat Steve down on a chair, reminded him he can stop at any time and began the relaxation process. You whispered softly to him using indirect suggestion to slow his breathing and relax his muscles. Then you moved right next to this ear and whispered so quietly that they could hardly hear: “Now Steve, I think that you’re on a gorgeous beach. Do you see it?” He nodded. “Perfect, and it’s very sunny, isn’t it? Great weather to get a tan.” He nodded again. “Now, when I count down from 3 to 1, you will open you eyes but still be on the beach. 3. 2. 1. Open your eyes, Steve.” You pinched his shoulder on 1. He did as you said and looked around. Your audience staring at him, wondering what will happen.  
“Hey Steve.”  
“Hey, y/n.”  
“It’s a lovely day isn’t it?”  
“Absolutely, it’s so warm and sunny. I haven’t been to the beach for years!” He looked around in excitement, whilst Bucky stared open-mouthed at his best friend.  
“It is,” You agreed. “But it’s a bit too hot I think.”  
“Now that you mention it, yeah I’m getting real hot.” Then he stood up and took off his t-shirt. When he motioned to remove his trousers, you put your hand on his shoulder and gave a light pinch.  
“Stop.” You commanded. He froze. “Thank you, Steve. Why don’t you sit back down?” He obeyed. “Excellent. Now close eyes and go back into that relaxing sleep.” You pinched his shoulder again and once more he did as you asked. His naked chest rising and falling like a huge ocean wave. You turned to look at the others. The lab techs looked terrified, and T’Challa looked very amused as he clapped. Bucky was looking down, eyebrows knitted as if trying to make a decision. You woke Steve up and he returned to normal, being very confused as to why his shirt was on the floor. He picked it up and put it back on as you explained what happened, then turned to Bucky whose eyes now met yours. “Honesty is something I truly value. After every session I do, I always fully disclose what happened with my clients, even the bits they think they remember.” You walked closer to him, he seemed slightly afraid. “I understand your hesitation. This only worked because Steve trusts me-“ Steve nodded in agreement-“and that would be the same with you. If you agree to let me help you, this needs to be a two-way street. We will both be working our asses off for the same goal. If you don’t want it, it’ll never work and I’d be wasting my time.” You gave him direct eye contact as you spoke, watching him read every word on your lips. “Forget about what Steve wants: what do YOU want?” You stepped back as you said it, allowing him space- time as well as physically- to think it through. Turning to Steve, you thanked him again for taking part in your demonstration.  
Sleep was fighting to take over your eyes and you were starting to think that you would be heading home soon; but your train of thought was broken by a calm voice. “Alright. I’ll do it,” Bucky stood up and walked towards you, “If Steve trusts you as much as I just saw, then I know I can too.”


	2. Training the Winter Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After taking a risk and trying out a new method, it goes horribly wrong and leads to a hugely important decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relationships: bucky x reader (trust rollercoaster my friends)
> 
> Warnings: swear words, violence, reader gets strangled, sad!Bucky (Is that a warning? I feel like it is)
> 
> Thank you so much for all your love and thanks for reading! x

After your first meeting Sgt. Barnes, you began working with him for an hour a day. The first week was purely for you to get to know each other better: chat about random topics, play ice breaker games, you even spent a lot of time explaining the 21st Century (watching him use Google for the first time was your proudest moment). Your first session using relaxation techniques wasn’t as successful (he took himself out of the trance a few times) but by Day 12 he was able to calm his breathing, relax his muscles, and find peace in himself for what he admitted was the first time that he can remember.   
Because of that success, you decided to try something a little risky with him.  
“No.” Bucky said sternly, his hand gripping the armrest.   
“It’ll be fine Bucky. I’ll just say the words, and when the Winter Soldier wakes up, I’ll do the exact same relaxation technique that we’ve been practising-“  
“I can’t- I, I just can’t do it.” He was aggressively shaking his head, eyes staring at the floor.   
“Hey,” You scooted yourself closer to him and put your hand on his shoulder, gripping it slightly, “Like I said to you before- if you’re not on board 100% then I won’t do it. But whether we do it now or in a week’s time it’ll still be scary for you.” He looked up at you and you returned his eye contact. “If things go sour, I can just put him to sleep no problem- it works on you so it’ll work on him.” You watched as Bucky got out of his seat and ambled to the window, gazing out onto the incredible view your office had. You thought about everything you had learned about this man, as well as the winter soldier locked inside. When you agreed with T’Challa that you would stay to help Bucky, he presented you with a locked briefcase and requested that you opened it alone and never tell anyone about it. That night you locked your room, unlocked the briefcase and was shocked to find a large, red leather-bound notebook with a large white star on it. You knew instantly what it was and it made your heart race just knowing it was now in YOUR possession. You told Bucky that you had it, after he feared that it was left out in the world somewhere. He asked you not to read it, which you promised that you wouldn’t do and kept it locked away under your bed.   
You were snapped back to reality when Bucky crossed your line of vision to sit back down. You searched his face for any sign of change as he sighed deeply. “If we do this,” He started, “then it needs to be in a secure room and I want to be restrained. I don’t want anyone else in there or even observing- just you.” He had a sombre look on his face, like he wasn’t convinced that would be good enough. That night it took a painfully long time for you to get to sleep. Your thoughts were constantly on the Winter Soldier and you couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by violent images of it going horribly wrong.

*

You watched as the sun rose, your sleep invaded by thoughts of a quiet, reserved man turning into a killing machine. By the time Bucky arrived at the lab at 9:30am you had prepped the room, cleared away any unnecessary tools/equipment and arranged a chair in the centre of the room. He brought restraints which he hoped would be strong enough to hold him in place and started to set up as you ensured your camera was working. You both agreed on recording this session, as he wanted to see what happened. You had just realised that you didn’t actually know what words you needed to say when you turned and found Bucky standing in front of you with a scrunched piece of paper in his hand. “You need to say it in Russian.” He mumbled before sitting back in the chair and tying the leg restraints, signalling you to tie his wrist.   
Once ready, you started the relaxation process with Bucky, slow deep breaths indicating that it was time for the next step. You noticed your hands shaking as you held the paper in your hands. Luckily you knew some Russian- thanks to time spent with Nat- but you found Bucky had helpfully written it phonetically for you, a sign that he trusted you to do it.   
“Zhelaniye, Rzhavyy, Samnadtsat’, Rassvet, Pech’, Devyat’-“ You eyed Bucky as his chest began heaving and his left shoulder flinched, as if his metal arm was still there. “Dobroserdechnyy, Vozvrashchenlye na rodinu, Odin… Gruzovoy Vagon.” Suddenly his chest stilled and his head was thrown down by an invisible force. After what felt like hours, his head tilted back up and he looked straight ahead, those sea blue eyes were now more the colour of frozen fingertips. You checked the paper again, “Dobroye ulto, Soldat.”  
His eyes suddenly flicked to you. “Ya gotov otvechat.” He responded.   
“English?” You really hoped this worked.  
“Yes.” He replied. His voice was monotone and lower than before, it almost disturbed you.  
“My name is Dr. Y/l/n. You are here as part of a relaxation programme which you volunteered for.” He glanced down at his restraints, his missing metal arm and then back to you. You felt uneasy by his stare- the Bucky you knew never looked at you this intensely for this long. “I will need you to relax and listen to my voi-“  
“Where is my arm?”  
“You lost it during a battle, you came here to recuperate.” Did your voice quiver?  
“Why am I restrained?”  
“…be-because you requested it. For your safety.” Your pulse quickening, dread filling your system. His stare continued.   
“Where am I?” Anger clouded what was once a soft, velvet sound.  
“You’re in a safe place, you asked to be here.” You ensured, praying he would just stop talking. Then he looked down, fist clenched. Before you knew it, he had somehow ripped the restraint from his wrist and was making quick work on the leg ones. You stopped breathing almost immediately and froze in your stance- what the fuck were you going to do? "Wait-“ You began to reason, but he launched at you and had his hand around your neck and gripped hard, though not yet choking you properly. Your hands grabbed his wrist, but there was no way you were going to remove it.  
“WHY am I here?” He demanded.  
“You. Asked. To be. Here.” Fear held your throat hostage. Each word being thrown out of you. His jaw clenched and his eyes raged, the frozen blue turning almost black. His grip tightened on your mortality.  
“You’re lying. Why am I here? What happened?” Shouting now, the volume matching the hold on you.  
“You… asked… for… help.” You spluttered, white knuckles clinging to his arm. Your eyes watered and your mind was blank. You had no idea what to do. All you could think of was if the real Bucky could see what was happening. The Winter Soldier yelled in anger and pushed you back towards the wall, holding you up so your feet were airborne. Your head throbbed immensely. He constricted your windpipe even more, so much so you could feel your heart desperately pumping blood around your body. “Please,” You pleaded, forcing the words out as clearly as possible, “You. Know. Me.” He didn’t seem to care. How could someone you worked closely with everyday for almost two weeks suddenly not know who you are? Then a dying voice entered your head: put him to sleep. By now you had absolutely no idea whether it would work or not, but you figured that whether you failed or didn’t try- you would still choke to death. His teeth were bared as he raised you higher, unsatisfied by your answers. Summoning all the energy you had, you swung your left leg up and around counter-clockwise to hook around his arm. As he didn’t have another hand to stop you, you used your leg weight to pivot yourself- almost causing his hand to push into your neck more- as you reached out with your right hand and pinched his right shoulder hard, shouting “SLEEP!” as you did.   
As if in slow motion, you felt his huge weight give way as his eyes rolled back and he slumped to the ground, taking you with him. You fell on your back away from him as he fell straight down. Turning onto your front, a coughing fit took control as you urgently gasped for air. You felt lightheaded from the sudden oxygen. Adrenaline meant that nothing was in pain, yet. Once your breath started to slow down, you crawled over to Bucky. His face was a calm sea, his chest the rippling waves as he breathed. “Bucky,” Your voice was hoarse but you carried on, “I want you to wake up in 3-2-1. Wake up.” You pinched his shoulder again and his eyes fluttered open, eyebrows furrowed when he realised that he was looking at the ceiling. “Y/n?” He called, sitting up to look for you. You sighed heavily in relief and you almost fell back. “What happened? What did I do?” He asked, that familiar sense of panic entered his voice.   
“It’s okay, I’m okay.” You insisted, trying your best to smile at him. When he extended his arm to you, it was a little too quickly and your body flinched, fear betraying you. When he saw that, he quickly retracted it and stood up. He turned around and walked to the corner of the room, picked up the camcorder you used to record the session and walked out of the room, although you were certain you heard him say “I’m sorry” as he left.

*

You felt awful. Bucky would now hate you and himself even more thanks to your lack of due diligence during that session. You underestimated how powerful he was and how unaware you were. You slammed your pillow onto your face as you allowed yourself to fall back onto your bed, sleep rapidly creeping in.   
You were stirred from your sleep by a low soft knock at your door. Groaning when you saw the clock read 3:23am, you moved the pillow off of you and went to open the door. You creaked it open just as you saw a tall figure slink off down the hall, the figure turned and you realised it was Bucky. “Hey.” You whispered. He walked back to you, eyes down.   
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, you should just go back to sleep.”  
“Not at all, Bucky. Come in, please.” You opened the door further to welcome him in. As he entered your room, he made his way to your sofa- but didn’t sit down, instead watching you as you followed him and sat down first, then he joined you on your left. He’d only just sat down when he began to speak: “I’ve decided that I can’t do this anymore. I need to be frozen- I’m not safe.” He murmured, eyes focusing on his twiddling fingers. “W-what?” His abruptness stunned you, not that you were all that surprised.   
“Y/n- I watched the recording, I almost-I could have killed you.” Flashbacks of the images played on your mind. And on his it seemed.  
“Yes I won’t lie to you, it was rather scary. But it was my fault- I stalled instead of doing what I should have done. I let YOU down, not the other way around.” You were sincere in your feelings- you did believe you had been the one to cause it- if only you had been quick enough. You put your hand on his shoulder as you spoke “I’m so sorry for everything you saw on that video, I took too long to act. I truly believe you shouldn’t give up and should keep going. There’s so much more we could do, I’ll step up my game and do better for you.” He looked at where your hand met his shoulder then at you in disbelief. “How can you stand being this close to me? After what happened? How can you guarantee that next time I don’t actually kill you?” His emotions were seeping into his face and you could see his eyes begin to glisten. It broke your heart to witness it. “Because I trust you, Sgt. James Barnes. I now know what Steve sees in you and I’m not surprised he’d risk himself for you. I believe we can beat this and I’ll be damned if I let your angry Russian alter ego stop me from achieving that!” You actually heard him chuckle slightly- progress. “Let’s not try that one for a while, we can focus on other things instead. But please don’t go back to cryo, you mean a lot to me now and I don’t want to lose that.” You quickly looked away from him and cursed yourself. Why the hell did you say that? When you looked back at him, Bucky was smiling lopsidedly. “Thank you. For everything.” He said as he stood up. “I’ll think about what you said, but I can’t promise anything, okay?” You nodded in reply. He then took your left hand and very lightly pressed a kiss to the knuckles, a blush most definitely blossomed on your face. “Thank you.” He said again as he walked to your door and left the room. You sat there caressing the spot on your hand where Bucky left his mark, then stretched out on your sofa and fell back into a deep and pleasant sleep.


	3. A New Arm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When an attempt to refit Bucky’s arm goes very wrong, it’s you who has to save the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None? There’s no swearing this time, I know GASP  
> Chapter 3 is a mini bit of fluff for you all, mostly at the end. Gosh I love writing this series!!

“So how’s Ethiopia? Met up with anyone?” You rolled your eyes, holding the phone to your ear using your shoulder as you grappled with paperwork.  
“Tony!” You scolded. You decided to give him a call seeing as he was expected you back yesterday, and you claimed to be staying at the Mental Health Centre to set up a trial course for basic hypnotherapy. “Hey- I’m kidding y/n! You sure you don’t want me to set you up in a nice hotel? I can arrange for a president suite?”  
“No thanks Tony. The family who have offered to host me are lovely so I’ll be very happy with them thank you.”  
“Well just make sure you check in every once in a while, okay? Secretary Ross wants to keep an eye on everyone since the RAFT break out.”  
Oh great, you thought. “Yeah? Well you tell him that I was never a member of the Avengers anyway so I will go where I damn well please!” You could barely push the button for the elevator as you raised your voice, paperwork threatening to spill from your hands. A laugh came from the phone “I’ll be sure to tell him Doc. You be safe okay? Talk later nerd.” You scoffed as he hung up then you released your phone so it slid down onto the pile in your arms.

Heading to your office proved very tricky when you didn’t have hands to open doors. As you reached the hallway, you nudged the door with your shoulder a bit too much and your paperwork slid from you, despite your desperate attempt to grab it all mid-air. Cursing under your breath, you knelt down to gather it all when you heard steps behind you. Before you could turn around to see, you felt a presence move past you and kneel down too, a single hand reaching out to the furthest folders. You looked up to see Bucky offering you a sympathetic smile as he tried to help. Once you’d recreated your pile and cradled it in your arms, you both stood up. “Don’t forget this.” Bucky said as he held your mobile in his hand. “Oh thank you! Just stick it on top of the pile.” You replied as you made sure you had hold of it all this time.   
He looked unconvinced, “Why don’t I just help you get to your office? Come on.” You would have protested but he was already heading down the hallway to your door, so you just caught up with him and walked alongside.  
When you reached your office, Bucky opened the door held it for you to enter through. You went straight to your desk so you could drop the pile. As you turned around, Bucky removed your phone from his pocket and held it out once more. “Thank you so much,” You took your phone and placed it on your desk, “You’re actually my saviour!” He laughed at your admission.  
“For opening your door? Honestly y/n it’s nothing.” He smiled, you couldn’t help but smile back.  
“Well I appreciate your help. What are you doing down this end anyway? We don’t have a session today, right?”  
“Er, no,” He replied, shuffling his feet as he spoke, “I was actually headed to see Shuri. My new arm is ready.”  
“No way that’s amazing!” You beamed, “When is it getting fitted?”  
“This morning.” He certainly didn’t seem as excited as you. “I’ll er, I’ll see you later.” He sauntered towards the door.  
“Hey Bucky?” Your voice held him in your doorway. “If you want to talk about it today or if you ever need me, please just call. I’m always happy to see you.” He grinned and nodded before heading back down the hall. You chuckled softly to yourself then groaned as you remembered your large pile of reading.

-

The sun was rising high through your window, leaving a warm glow on the back of your head as you began your third journal review. It was so quiet that the ring of your mobile made you jump out of your skin. After a deep breath you answered it, “Dr. Y/l/n-“  
“Doc we need you!” A voice shouted through the phone. You could hear yelling in the background.  
“What?”  
“It’s Barnes, he’s going wild- we need you to stop him!”  
“Don’t touch him!” You shouted as you leaped out of your chair and practically flew to Shuri’s lab. You burst through the door, lungs wanting to give out. You looked around and found Bucky to your right, backed up against a wall, armed with some sort of spear as Shuri and several of the Dora Milaje surrounded him. “Get away!” he screamed repeatedly, eyes wide and full of fear. Shuri watched you as you ran over, visibly relieved you were there. You had to push past the guards as they refused to move away from the princess. Once you were in Bucky’s view, you stopped and looked straight at him, hands up. “Hey,” you cooed, voice low and quiet. His gaze flickered between you and his supposed foes, his brows furrowed. “Bucky, it’s me, it’s okay- you’re safe.” You took one step forward and stopped again. You watched as his arm lowered slightly- as if considering your words- then raised once more. “They’re Hydra! They’re trying to torture me! To get the Winter Soldier back!” His voice was frantic and unfamiliar, he could barely look at you for fear that the others would strike. You took several more steps and turned to face the others, “Put your weapons down! Please- he won’t hurt anyone!” You pleaded. They looked at each other but didn’t listen. So you straightened yourself and changed your tone. “Lower your weapons NOW. He is under MY guardianship and I will NOT ask again.” This time they followed your instruction, if not still slightly sceptical. You looked to Shuri, “This is far too many people. I need this space cleared of anyone who isn’t necessary.” She nodded and commanded everyone to leave, all except two other technicians and one of the Dora Milaje. You turned back to Bucky, who had lowered his own weapon was looking at you with an expression you didn’t recognise. “You okay?” He shook his head. “Do you know why you’re in here?” He thought for a moment- looking around the lab- then nodded. “Good,” You smiled, “Can I touch you?” He nodded again and you took his hand, placing the spear on the ground. Tilting the palm up, you rubbed your thumb in circles in the centre of his hand before checking his pulse on his wrist. A little too high. You went on your tip toes to look into his eyes, his pupils dilated slightly then contracted again. Those marble eyes kept you there a little longer than necessary, you couldn’t help but stare. You reassured Bucky with a classic y/n smile and a wink- which made him smile back- then went back to flat feet. You signalled him to a chair and told him to sit, he silently obeyed. You walked over to one of the remaining technicians and asked her to explain what happened, even though you had a strong suspicion already. “Nothing, Dr. Y/l/n. We gave him the anaesthetic, that went fine, then as we began to prep the prosthetic, his heart rate increased and he started waking up! When we tried to inject him with a higher dosage, he pushed me away and jumped off the table, screaming and shouting the whole time!”  
“Wait,” You replied, looking into the room where you could see an IV bag, “Did you say inject?”  
“Y-yes?” She looked confused at your question. At this point, Shuri joined you both.  
“No no no,” You began. You knew it, “You should have given him anaesthetic gas, it’s in his notes-“  
It was Shuri who replied to you, “But Dr. Y/l/n we accounted for his increased metabolism by giving him a stronger drug. We used information from Captain Rogers to plan for this.”  
“No Shuri- Sgt. Barnes was adapted to make him less susceptible to suppression. If you had read his notes properly then you would know I recommended gas over intravenous to avoid this exact situation.” You couldn’t help but sound like you were telling them off, because you basically were.  
“I’m… so sorry Dr. Y/l/n-” Shuri started, but you interrupted.  
“It’s okay, Shuri. Just please read the notes next time, not just you but anyone who is involved.” You looked at the technician who bowed her head in agreement. You took a deep breath and began more positively, “Right, let’s set up again, this time with the correct anaesthetic.” They both agreed and went off as you returned to Bucky who hadn’t moved from his chair. You told him what had happened and reassured him that it wasn’t his fault, not that you were convinced he would believe you. “We’re going to try again but this time I’ll supervise the start, okay Bucky?” He didn’t respond, only staring at the floor. You disturbed his concentration by holding out your hand in front of him. He looked up in uncertainty. “Trust me.” You whispered. He lifted his hand, hesitated, but then took yours. You squeezed it and tugged to get him to stand up. Guiding him over to the table, you kept a firm grip of his hand as he sat down. He momentarily let go to manoeuvre himself into a laying position, then sought out your hand again. As Shuri and her small team set up the gas mask ready, you continued to look at Bucky. “I’m… scared.” He admitted in a low voice that you could barely hear. You squeezed his hand hard with your right hand as you placed your left hand on his shoulder and rubbed it. “You’re going to be okay.” You replied. When you saw the gas was ready you asked Shuri to give it to you. Switching hands to hold Bucky’s with your left this time, mask in your right, you placed the mask over your own face and inhaled, much to the shock of everyone else, including Bucky. You pulled it away and looked at him, “It’s safe. Ready?” You went to put it over his face but he stopped you.  
“Wait. Will you stay? Until I wake up? I mean, if it’s okay with you?” His eyes pleaded more than his words. You looked to Shuri.  
“It’s fine by me.” She said, smiling at you. You thanked her and returned your gaze to Bucky.  
“Absolutely, I’ll be right here the whole time.” He sighed in relief and then nodded at the mask. You put it over his face and encouraged him to mimic your breathing. He still seemed a little reluctant to go to sleep at first, until you began gently combing his hair with your fingers. Then it took almost no time before his eyes were closed and his chest deeply rose and fell with sleep.

You kept your word and stayed by his side the whole time, giving you a front row seat to watching Shuri expertly refit Bucky’s arm. It required some skilful wiring- mechanical and neural- and a lot of time. After 3 hours, it was complete. You removed the mask from Bucky’s face and stayed with him as everyone around you packed away. It took only 15 minutes before he began to stir, both hands now twitching. His eyes blinked open sleepily and he looked at his new vibranium arm then at your hand interlocked with his, then finally at you.  
“Hello there Barnes.” You greeted him with a wink and a smile. He returned a bigger smile.  
“Hey doll.”


	4. Training the Winter Soldier... Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After developing their friendship further, they both decide to try bringing out the Winter Soldier again, will it work this time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None I don’t think? Some sad reader back story at the beginning.   
> Notes: moy spasitel’ (my saviour), spi (sleep), posnis’ (wake up) Yaaaaaas here we go we are now halfway through the series! I’m so excited to finally post this chapter for you all, please let me know what you think :D

It had been a week since Bucky got his arm refitted. You both were much closer than before, spending more time out of your office than in it. This time he took you to see the herd of goats that he was looking after; the hours went by as he told you about his family and his younger days with Steve- things he never wanted to talk about before. The sky was beginning to blush as the air brought a slight chill, something that would normally make you shiver, but being sat this close to your new companion you felt the heat radiate from him. You told him about your adoptive parents, the farm house and their pride at your role as a pigeon in the school play. Then for some reason you disclosed to him about the crash. How they were travelling from your home state to New York to see you, and how the plane’s engine exploded mid air leaving no survivors. Tears stained your cheeks as you told the story; you hadn’t said their names out loud since your last admission to Tony, bonding over your shared tragedy sealed your friendship with the billionaire. But you felt that it was different this time, that you needed to show Bucky you trusted him by revealing your history. As you calmed yourself down and both admired the sunset in silence, you felt Bucky’s eyes gazing at you, then you heard a deep breath before he spoke. “I think that… we should try the experiment again.” Your eyes widened as you whipped your head to look at him. “You… want to try again?”  
“Yeah, I mean, before I was a little unsecure and untrusting which is probably why it failed last time. But now I know you better, I trust you, so- if you’re willing- I’d like to try it again. I don’t wanna hide in Wakanda forever… I don’t wanna be afraid anymore.” He looked up at you and was almost startled by the smile that was spread across your face.   
You put your hand on his and squeezed reassuringly. “I have been waiting for you to say that for weeks.”

-

You hardly slept that night, constantly writing notes and translating Russian in preparation. So it wasn’t surprising that your mind was elsewhere during your breakfast with T’Challa. You met up each week to share a meal and update each other on what was happening, but this time T’Challa could tell that you had a lot going on. “Is it Mr Stark?” He enquired.  
“What? Oh, no, he’s actually been giving me a lot of space. Sorry I’m not being a very polite guest.” He smirked at your shame.  
“No, but it’s alright Dr. Y/l/n, you are a very busy person. How is your patient doing?”  
“Sgt. Barnes is doing great- his new arm is fantastic thanks to your genius sister!”  
“Don’t let her hear you say that.” He winked after he said it. “I understand you are going to retry the Winter Soldier experiment again?”  
“Yes, later today. I’ve been up all night planning for it. I really don’t want to let him down again.”   
“You won’t. Success is forged from failure, you’re too intelligent to make the same mistakes again. If you need anything please let me know.” You smiled at his words. 

After thanking him for breakfast, you made your way to your office and began setting the room up. You felt that a familiar environment would help Bucky/Winter Soldier feel relaxed. You cleared your desk, moved the armchairs, placed pictures on the table, all whilst listening to slow piano music. You were so engrossed that you didn’t hear the knock at the door, or it slowly opening. But you did feel a presence, causing you turn around, where you were greeted with Bucky standing arms crossed in the middle of the room.   
“Hey stranger!” You called, whilst you continued what you were doing.  
“Hey doll.” His new nickname for you always felt like a static shock going up your spine. He studied you as you opened each of your desk drawers, rummaging around. “Wha’cha doing?”   
“I’m trying to find… the remote for my stereo.” You replied, slightly distracted by your search. After several seconds of no reply, you heard Bucky move around your office and chuckle. Confused, you glanced over and saw him holding up a small rectangular shape in his metal hand, a small grin on his face.  
“Yes! Thank you so much- you’re my saviour!” You walked over to him and retrieved the remote to turn down the music.   
He chuckled again, “I’m really not y/n, but you’re welcome. You almost ready?”   
“Yes, I’ve cleared my paperwork so it’s less hectic in here and more calming.”  
“Oh… we’re gonna do it in here?” You could hear the doubt in his voice.  
“Yes, it’s a safe space for you and so it should be for the Winter Soldier.” You wanted to reassure him that you were taking it seriously this time. “I’m actually ready now if you are?”   
He looked slightly surprised. “Er yeah sure, let me just go get the restraints-“  
“You won’t need those.” He scoffed at your statement. “Bucky- it’s not like they worked last time is it? There’s no point in repeating the same mistakes again-”  
“But I don’t want to hurt you again. Doing it in here with no restraints… your safety isn’t guaranteed.” You moved closer to him.  
“Bucky, my safety can never be guaranteed. I’m putting a super soldier in a hypnotic state to bring out a disassociated identity… it’s almost laughable how crazy this is! But I trust you and I just need you to trust me. Fully.” He stared intensely in your eyes and all you could do was return his stare, your features relaxed.   
With a sigh, his eyes searched the room then returned to you. “Okay, I trust you y/n- and I mean it.”

He sat down in one of the armchairs and placed his arms either side of him, flexing his metal fingers and breathing deeply. You sat in the chair opposite and began the relaxation process, encouraging Bucky to change his breathing and relax his body. Then you took a deep breath of your own and read out the words you had rehearsed for the second time. Like before, his fingers twitched but this time the metal plates in his arm began to whirl- something you hadn’t seen yet. When you had said the last words, his eyes opened and looked at the floor. “Dobroye utro, soldat.” Your tranquil voice carried over the piano music you kept on in the background. His eyes flicked up to yours, “Ya gotov otvechat.”  
“Hello again.” You smiled, those grey eyes scanned your face in confusion, then the realisation hit and his muscles clenched. As he did so, he looked down and discovered he wasn’t restrained and he had a new metal arm. “As I told you before,” you leaned into the back of your chair, “you chose to be here. Since our last meeting you had the arm replaced and I did more research. I hope now you might listen to me.” You were genuinely surprised when the Winter Soldier scanned the room but stayed in the chair, then looked at the pictures on your table. You purposefully chose the photos: one of Bucky with Steve, one of you, Tony and Steve from the last party and even a photo of Bucky with the Howling Commandos. “You see, I’m not a threat to you. I’m here to help you.”  
“Help me with what?” His words startled you, but they weren’t aggressive.   
“With yourself. Your name is Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. In 1944 you fell from a train and was taken by Hydra- a dangerous group of Nazi sympathisers who then tortured you and experimented on you to create their ultimate weapon: The Winter Soldier.” You paused, watching him as he continued to stare at the photographs. It broke your heart to see this, but if he wasn’t trying to attack you then that was definitely progress. “My name is Dr. Y/n Y/l/n, I’m a hypnotherapist and I was asked by you and your friend Captain Steve Rogers to help you gain more control of your conscious.” He stayed silent. “Do you have any questions?” You gave him a smile as his eyes looked to you then back to the photos, picking up the one of him and Steve and inspecting it.   
“How do I know you’re not lying?” Anticipating this, you reached behind your chair and pulled out the red book which you then placed onto the table.   
“This is Hydra’s documentation on you. You can read it as much as you like, but honestly- if you thought for one second that I was lying then you would have attacked me by now.”

The next 10 minutes was silent except for the music. You observed as he skimmed the pages of the book, watching his eyes taking in the horrors that were his history. It was so weird to know that this both was and wasn’t the same man you were joking with the day before. And the same man who almost choked you to death over a week ago. Once he had seen enough, he closed the book and slowly placed it back on the table then took a deep breath and looked at you. “What am I supposed to do now?”   
“Well, I can help you not be a slave to Hydra again, so that even if the words are spoken- you will still be in control. Would you like that?” He nodded, so you proceeded. “Okay. I need you to lean into the chair and relax.” Hesitating at first, he relaxed himself and stretched his legs out. Then you stood up and moved slowly over to him. “Thank you, moy spasitel’. Now I need you to close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing- inhaling for 4 seconds then exhaling for 5.” You were amazed when he followed your instruction and soon, he was deep in sleep. You spoke softly as you deepened his trance and gently pinched both of his shoulders each time you said “moy spasitel’”. You decided that this phrase would work as it would help him disconnect from being a villain to a hero- a saviour. You checked his pulse and it was slow and strong- time for the next stage. “Thank you, moy spasitel’. Now I’m going to say some words to you. When I do, you will relax further into the chair feeling peaceful and in control, okay?” He nodded. Then you went through the Winter Soldier words one at a time, squeezing his shoulder with each one. When he appeared distressed half way through, you calmed him by rubbing his shoulders and saying “Shhh, spi moy spasitel’” until he relaxed again, allowing you to carry on. At the last words, you squeezed his shoulder for the final time and stepped back. To your astonishment he was still in the trance and didn’t move. “Can you hear me, moy spasitel’?” Suddenly worried he’d gone too deep. But he nodded as he inhaled, much to your relief. “Okay, now I’m going to count from 5 to 1. When I get to 1, you’re going to wake up. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, prosnis’ moy spasitel’.”   
He slowly opened his eyes and looked at you. “Y/n? What happened?” Your smile made your jaw ache as you walked over to him.   
“Oh Bucky- I think it worked!” You pulled him up from his chair and into the open space. “Trust me, okay?” You said and he agreed although he was suspicious. Without hesitation you recited the words, watching him start to panic but relax as he stared into your eyes. When you finished, he looked down at himself and then back up at you. “How do you feel, Bucky?” You asked, praying it had worked. Suddenly his face turned from concern to joy and he swooped you up into his arms and swung you around. “It worked! Holy crap y/n you did it!” You giggled uncontrollably and he continued to swing you around like a ragdoll. He finally put you down and apologised for the abrupt action. “I don’t understand, how come I didn’t change?”  
“Because you’re the one in control now, moy spasitel’.” You grinned as you replied, looking up at him. You both stood a little too close for a few seconds, both of you overcome with relief and excitement at your victory. “Thank you, y/n. I can’t believe you did it!”  
“Oh no Bucky- we both did it.” The sound of your phone ringing brought you both back into the room and you laughed awkwardly as you stepped away from each other- realising how close you were. When you saw the ‘unknown’ caller ID, you looked back at Bucky and winked, picking up the phone. “Hey there Cap, I have some amazing news for you!”


	5. Integration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Tony have made up, so all the Avengers move to the compound, including Bucky and y/n. A game of charades raises everyone’s spirits, and you and Bucky take your friendship to a new level.  
> Warnings: None? Serious fluff at the end, so not for the light hearted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go- chapter 5! Things start to happen from here so enjoy the fluff while you can! Thank you so much for reading my material, and especially those who send me kudos! You are all darlings and I appreciate you all!

The last 12 hours whizzed past you- Steve called with the surprising news that he and Tony had agreed on amendments to the Sokovia Accords which allowed the Avengers Initiative to continue, meaning they were bringing everyone back. When you told him about the success with Bucky, he suggested you both returned to the compound, giving him a chance to encourage Bucky to join the team. By the time evening came, you had a quick nap, shared a goodbye meal with T’Challa and Shuri and now started your long journey back to New York with Bucky by your side. Just before you both left Wakanda, he made one last request of you- to close the chapter on his life as the Winter Soldier. You agreed immediately and both snuck out to edge of the canyon and burned the red book that Hydra had kept so dearly. You watched Bucky as he did the honours himself, the satisfaction on his face clear. Once it was ashes, he picked them up and scattered them into the depths below. The satisfaction was still evident even as you entered the airport in Ethiopia and boarded your plane back home.

The next 19 hours were long and restless, even the 3 hour stop in London didn’t provide much relief, however Bucky made an excellent travel companion and you both talked extensively about life in New York then and now. Once you finally made it back to New York, Happy was waiting for you both and drove you to the facility upstate. Jet lag was hitting you hard and you definitely nodded off on Bucky’s shoulder more than once. Bucky nudged you awake when you arrived, and the anticipation of seeing your friends again gave you some much needed energy. Leading Bucky into the living space, you found Steve and Tony were waiting to greet you. Steve embraced you first, thanking you for your help; then he welcomed Bucky and directed him to his room. You looked towards Tony, who was sitting arms crossed on the arm of the couch. “Mental Health facility huh? I don’t know whether to be offended or impressed that you could lie to me so well.” His fake pout served only to make you smile. “Well I was in a science facility and my focus was on mental health… so it wasn’t all a lie!” You reached into your bag as you spoke, Tony’s eyes watching you. “I also got you a peace offering during my stop in London.” You held out a box of Jaffa Cakes to him- they were his favourites and you always bought him some every time you were in the UK.  
“Oh Doc, if you think you can seduce me with a box British confectionary-“ He took the box from your hand, “- Then you’re absolutely right! Come ‘ere you nerd.” And he pulled you in for a hug which you returned happily. After chatting with him, you went to visit Wanda and spent the rest of the time with her until dinner, telling her all about Wakanda and your time with Bucky. You were extremely tired but refused to sleep until later. Tony had ordered pizzas from Italy (because Tony) and with that began the Avengers reunion featuring Steve, Tony, Wanda, Nat, Clint, Sam, Vision, Rhodes and newly appointed Avenger Bucky.  
The music and alcohol flowed, and you couldn’t help but sit and watch the others as they laughed and joked with one another. Your heart swelled seeing everyone happy and reconnecting, making the team stronger than ever. You almost didn’t notice when Bucky came and sat next you, leaning in to talk into your ear. “This is different to what I expected.” He declared just loud enough for you to hear over the noise.  
“Oh? Why’s that?”  
“I don’t know, it’s just, everyone is getting on and having a good time. It’s like the big fight never happened.”  
“Well that’s what families do, we forgive each other when it’s right. And now everything’s been settled- we’re even stronger.” You sipped your glass of wine and you watched Tony nod and raise his glass to Bucky. “I see you’re forgiven now?” You asked, unsure if anything had been said.  
“Yeah, he came to see me earlier and we had a talk about everything. I apologised again but he said it wasn’t needed because it wasn’t really me. I’ve never felt so relieved to not be hated by someone!” Bucky smirked as he replied, you laughed at his joke and both toasted to not being hated.  
Pretty soon Tony somehow managed to persuade everyone to play a game- “It’s team building!” he kept announcing to everyone. When he asked for ideas of games to play, you suggested charades and Steve immediately perked up as it was a game he definitely understood and knew how to play. You were divided into two teams- Steve, Tony, Vision, Nat and Clint on team 1; Sam, Wanda, Rhodes, Bucky and you on team 2. As the game went on, Steve proudly explained the rules of the game to Vision and Tony regularly accused Wanda of cheating, which you maintained was because he couldn’t handle losing. You were good at charades when it came to guessing, but when put on the spot to come up with actions, you weren’t exactly the best. “Y/n how the hell does that mean ER!?” Sam teased as he laughed uncontrollably.  
“I was doing surgery! How the hell did you think it meant Masterchef?” you retorted, light-heartedly slapping his knee as you sat back down.  
When the game was over, your team won by a few points and everyone celebrated with more dancing and chatting. You watched Bucky and couldn’t help but notice he really seemed to be in his element- joking with Steve and Clint, laughing and telling stories. It filled your heart to see him socialising and you felt proud of him. 

Eventually everyone went to bed and you were clearing up the kitchen as you felt a familiar presence behind you. “Hey doll, want some help?” You nodded and handed Bucky a bag for him to put cans and pizza boxes in. You both cleared up in silence, enjoying the quiet as your ears rang slightly. Straightening your back, you stretched your arms up and yawned. “You should get some sleep, y/n. I can finish up here.”  
“We should both get some sleep Buck, we’re basically finished anyway. Do you remember how to get to the rooms?” Bucky thought about the answer to your question and shook his head. “Actually I’m not entirely sure, but I can guess.”  
“Don’t be silly.” You took the bag from his hands, tied it up and disposed of it. “Come on- let’s walk back together.”  
As you reached your hallway, you realised Bucky’s room was only a few doors down from you, which he seemed pleased by. “Y/n?” Bucky said when you opened your door. You turned towards him as he stepped closer to you. “Thank you. For everything. You’ve done nothing but work miracles for me and I can honestly say I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. Tonight has reminded me what a team- a family- feels like, and that’s all down to you. You’re an angel.” Your cheeks burned and you wanted to look at the floor but couldn’t tear your eyes away from him. You both stood in silence gazing at each other, then you found your voice, “It’s er, it’s nothing Bucky. I’m just doing my job. You’re going to be a great member of the team and I know you’ll fit right in here.” You smiled in an attempt to regain composure. You didn’t know if it was the wine but you felt immeasurably warm and your heart was skipping a beat. With every second you have spent in his presence, your feelings towards Bucky have grown and gradually became something more than you expected; and ever since the situation in Shuri’s lab, you have come to realise just how much you cared for him. You unknowingly kept glancing at Bucky’s lips, only realising when they parted slightly and came closer. He wasn’t sure if this was what you wanted, but the silence was too much for him and he had to know what your lips felt like. As his lips touched yours it was gentle, slow and uncertain, inviting you to meet him halfway. Then you leaned into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck, proof that you wanted it just as much as he did. His hands found your waist and he held you delicately, like you were a secret treasure. When the kiss was broken, you both smiled, the air was different around you now and you were looking at each other as if for the first time.  
It was Bucky who spoke first. “I, er, was planning on going into the city to explore tomorrow. Would you care to join me?”  
“Are you asking me out on a date, Sergeant Barnes?” You gasped in mock surprise.  
“I certainly am, Dr. Y/l/n. Shall I pick you up after breakfast? Say 10 o’clock?”  
“Sounds perfect! Well, goodnight, Bucky.” You kissed him on the cheek and stepped inside your suite.  
“Goodnight, beautiful.” He replied, and he turned, took a deep breath, and headed to his own room, a grin of disbelief etched on his face.


	6. Private

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When your doubts about how Bucky feels reaches its peak, a misunderstanding and a rash decision prove costly, and potentially dangerous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we’re getting to the major part of the story! I’m truly so sorry for this being as bloody late as it was! Please forgive me and I hope the wait was worth it! x  
> Warnings: Very sad reader, threat to reader’s life, drugs to knock someone unconscious

As you sat outside the café, you felt the warm glow of the sun on your back. Laughter erupted from the table behind you as you sipped on your coffee, focusing on Nat’s voice as she chatted away, “… and then the idiot told me everything about the plot and the trafficking in less than 10 minutes! Ten y/n! I just sat there and fake cried my way to a record interrogation!” You both giggled as you checked your phone again, something Nat noticed. “Anyway, how’s things going with Bucky? Thank you for avoiding PDA around the compound by the way!” You tensed when you heard his name and shifted in your seat.  
“Honestly, Nat? I’m not sure what’s going on.”   
“What do you mean?” She leant forward on the table, eyes on you.  
“I mean, we had our dinner date which was lovely and he was very sweet. But after that, he hasn’t asked since. That was three weeks ago. Sometimes he comes to my room and we talk or cuddle, but he doesn’t stay. I don’t know if he’s just shy or having second thoughts.”  
“I see,” Nat began thoughtfully, “Maybe talk to Steve about it?”  
“Nat- you’re the only one who knows anything- I can’t just confide in his best friend!”  
“I don’t mean tell him everything! Just… ask him what Bucky was like with a girl, maybe see if anything links up?” You considered her words carefully. She did have a point but you weren’t sure if you could dare; maybe you didn’t want to know the answer?

After your shopping trip with Nat, you both headed back to the compound and you went straight to your room. Sleep quickly took over and you slept soundly for several hours. As the moon reached its peak in the sky, you were awoken by a low knocking at your door. Half asleep, you opened it to find Bucky standing awkwardly in the corridor. “Hey doll, can I sleep with you? I had another nightmare.” You couldn’t say no to this vulnerable, giant puppy, so you left the door open for him and slumped back into bed. You heard the door softly close and soon the bed dipped as he joined you. You turned to face him and were met by his gentle stare and lazy smile, something that never ceased to make your heart swoon. As you both snuggled up, he kissed your forehead and wrapped his arms around you while you found comfort in his shoulder and once again you were asleep in seconds.   
The early sun left golden beams through your window which stirred you from a dream you couldn’t remember. As you rubbed your eyes, you turned to greet Bucky but instead was only met by an empty space. A sigh of disappointment filled your lungs, but you weren’t surprised. This happened before and will no doubt happen again. 

Distracted by your thoughts and worries, you showered, dressed and headed to the kitchen for breakfast. You poured yourself a coffee when a warm hand met your shoulder. “Good morning y/n. Shopping with Nat tired you out huh?” Steve’s smile always made you feel better.   
“Morning, yeah it sure did- I slept solidly the whole night.” Lying to Steve felt weird, but you didn’t want to let anything slip. You gave him a big smile and he playfully fed you some toast. “Oh you’re such a charmer Steve, feeding unmarried women so early in the morning!” He laughed at your statement as you sat next to him at the counter.  
“Well I don’t make a habit of it if that’s what you’re suggesting; pre-serum me wouldn’t have even dreamt of it!”   
“It still shocks me that you never had any luck with the ladies before Peggy- now they’re all over you!” You laughed at your own joke and almost choked on your coffee.  
“Thanks y/n, but it was more Bucky’s thing.” He finished his toast and Nat’s voice was shouting in your head.   
“Oh?” You put your cup down and faced him, “Did he often share breakfast with women?” You wiggled your eyebrows in an attempt to appear unconcerned by the answer. It seemed to work.   
“No nothing like that, courting was so different to how dating is now. He never took it far but he was very flirty, a man that good looking finds it very easy I’m told.” You felt regret fill your heart as he carried on talking. “Dames never wanted to be near me, but Bucky? They hung off his arm like the latest watch. And he wore them well, always looking for a way to show off his newest dame to the rest of us goons.” Steve never noticed the tear that marked your cheek, nor how quiet you became as each word stung you. Flirty and a show off… Bucky didn’t do any of those things. Sometimes he was flirty when it was just you two, but he never showed any public affection. Was he ashamed of you? Weren’t you good enough for him?   
“Hey you okay y/n? You look gone out.” Steve’s voice brought you out of your trance.  
“Huh? Yeah yeah I’m fine Steve, I’m just gonna go back to bed.” You got up and ambled back to your room.   
“Are you sure you’re okay? Are you ill or something?” He called after you, concerned that he upset you somehow. You didn’t bother replying to him- you felt a lump in your throat you couldn’t hide; so you held your breath until you got to your room, where you sunk to the floor and cried. 

The rest of the day you spent in your room watching tv, crying, and snacking on your stash of chocolate and biscuits. Your phone was turned off hours ago after you were bombarded by texts from Steve, Nat and even one from Bucky. ‘Just one’ you thought to yourself, ‘Steve cares more than he does’. By the time the sun had dipped and the stars were visible, your eyes stung from salty tears and your mind raced with wild and unpleasant thoughts. Just as you had begun to contemplate leaving the compound, a familiar low knocking was heard from your door. You sat quietly at first, not wanting to be seen by anyone, let alone the person you were almost certain was on the other side. The knock came again, louder this time. Deciding to bite the bullet, you walked over and slowly opened the door to find out what he wanted.   
You guessed right. Bucky was stood by your door, peering at you through the small gap you made. “Hey doll, we were getting real worried about you! How are you? I brought you some pizza if you’re hungry?” He held out a box from the pizzeria you two had gone on your first (last?) date. Dizzy from the flashbacks to what you thought was a perfect dinner date, you claimed you weren’t hungry and began to close the door when his metal hand slipped in the gap to block it. “Y/n talk to me. I know something’s up, please let me in.” Unable to refuse him a second time, you moved aside and widened the gap for him. As he entered, he placed the pizza box on your small coffee table and turned to face you. He raised his hands to embrace you but you backed away. The hurt in his eyes was just as strong as the day he almost killed you back in Wakanda. “What have I done? Did I hurt you? In my sleep maybe or late at night-“   
“No James.” You were cold but didn’t mean it, you were just so drained of emotion you had nothing left to give.   
“Then what’s happened? Please talk to me, I care about y-“   
“Please don’t say that we both know it isn’t true.” Bucky knitted his eyebrows as he looked at you.   
“What?”  
“Don’t play dumb I know you don’t have feelings for me and that you’re just trying to let me down gently. You haven’t wanted to be seen in public with me since we had dinner but you’re just too kind to tell me you’re not interested- well you don’t have to because I know now- it’s been made very clear to me.” You couldn’t help but sharpen your tone, it irritated you that he acted so stupid and unaware. “Doll I don’t understand- how has it been made clear to you?”  
“I spoke to Steve earlier and he told me what you do with girls you like- you flirt and take them out dancing and show them off to the world. I get it now that you don’t do any of these things because you don’t like me in the way you thought you did-“  
“That’s not why y/n.” His interruption surprised you. He hadn’t raised his voice since the incident with his arm in Shuri’s lab, you almost forgot what it sounded like. “I don’t want people to know because I don’t want anyone to know my business- our business. I’m not the same guy I was before HYDRA, now I like to keep things quiet and, you know, secret.” His eyes met yours as you shook your head at him. You scoffed and looked down at the floor. “So secret you don’t want our closest friends to know though huh? Don’t want them to know about us- about me? Well sorry that I’m such a shameful secret for you to bear, but don’t worry about it anymore, I’ll be out of your hair from now on.” Your decision was made as the words came out of your mouth. The tears that renewed their stream down your face broke Bucky’s heart and he tried to step towards you, emotions filling him he never expected to feel again. Before he reached you, you turned and flung your bedroom door open, storming out of there with a fierce sense of rage and heartbreak. If he wasn’t going to be brave enough to admit the truth, you were going to be brave enough to make the decision to leave.  
As you flew past the kitchen, you almost ran into Steve who was walking past you. “Y/n what’s-“ he began but you looked away and carried on walking towards the garage. You heard Bucky call after you as he made it to where Steve was still standing. Steve held his arm out to him, “Bucky what the hell is going on?”  
“I don’t know Steve- she spoke to you or something and thinks I don’t like her and that I’m ashamed of her so she’s leaving! I have to stop her-“   
“No Buck,” Steve interrupted him, “I’ll go, this my fault. Let me talk to her.” Bucky watched apprehensively as his best friend turned and ran to catch up with you. You had made it to your car and just drove off as Steve entered the garage. Cursing himself, he grabbed his motorcycle and sped off after you. 

Amazed by how quick you had driven, he thought he lost you in the city traffic when he realised how close he was to your favourite park. Taking a risk, he made his way there and was relieved to find your car parked on the street. He pulled up behind and made his way to the big fountain, your ‘quiet place’ when you needed time to think. When he found you, you were sniffling and tugging at your hoodie. It wasn’t exactly warm now the sun had gone so he knew you’d be getting cold. “Y/n?” He called quietly, hoping not to startle you. Hearing Steve’s voice, you sighed in annoyance but didn’t look back. “Please leave me alone. I need time to think.”  
“I came because I’m sorry for upsetting you earlier. I should have considered my words more carefully.” You got up as he spoke and walked towards him.  
“No Steve, you told me exactly what I needed to hear- the truth. Now I know and now I can do everyone a favour and leave.” You walked past him and headed back to your car, he followed and continued trying to persuade you to come back and at least sleep on it. You stopped right by your driver’s side door on the road, ignoring the oncoming traffic. “For the last time Steve- please leave me alo-“ A loud braking sound startled you as a black van pulled up behind you on the road and a tall man grabbed you. You screamed but it was silenced by the cold circular shape pressed against your head. You stared at Steve who was edging towards you, eyes fixed on the masked assailant. “Don’t think about it Cap.” A low muffled voice shouted from next to you- a second person. “If you don’t want to see her blood on the floor, you’ll turn around and put your hands behind you.” Your heart raced and you felt dizzy. Your legs would have given way if it wasn’t the man holding you. The blood and adrenaline rushed to your head and your hearing began to fizzle out. You watched Steve’s mouth move but heard nothing. He looked at the men, then at you before finally giving in to their demands. You watched helplessly as he faced the other way and got on his knees. A third man appeared and handcuffed Steve, before giving him some sort of injection in his neck and covering his head with a black bag. You tried to scream for help but soon felt a small sharp pain on the left side of your neck. Quickly your vision began to fade with the last thing you saw being the back of the van.


	7. What Was Once Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relationships: Bucky x reader, Steve x reader (platonic)  
> Summary: You and Steve have been kidnapped, Bucky losing his mind, will you ever have a chance to see Bucky again?  
> Warnings: swearing, creepy soldier guy with reader, v.sad!Bucky, you may have completely forgotten what the hell the plot is and I am truly sorry  
> Words: 2.4k, it was gonna be longer but I just couldn’t do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello oh my goodness I have been a truly terrible person and actually abandoned writing for so long! I am so sorry I was not in the right mind set for life in general but hopefully I’m back at it.

Mind racing, his heart thumped brutally inside his chest. All Bucky could think about was you. And Steve. And how this would never have happened if he had only been more open with you. His mind was too busy whirling to notice he was drumming his fingers annoyingly loud on the plastic of the passenger’s side in Tony’s car. “Please stop doing that for the love of Thor.” Tony pleaded through gritted teeth. Embarrassed, Bucky mumbled an apology and carried on staring out of the window, praying to see your face in the crowds. He had no idea the city at dawn would be so busy, but then it was mostly party animals roaming the streets at this time in the morning. He felt a gentle squeeze on his shoulder. Looking behind him, Nat gave him a half-hearted smile, a sign that he wasn’t the only one going out of his mind. Tony’s dashboard lit up again as they turned a corner. “Alright,” Tony begin as he passed the junction, “The tracker says her car is somewhere near this block.”  
“Try the park, she goes there when she wants to clear her head.” Nat replied. Guilt crept into Bucky’s veins. He didn’t know that. But if Steve never returned last night either, that means he did. Realising how little he truly knew about you made him feel ashamed; but the ache in his heart from knowing you enjoyed nature as much as he did reminded him how much he did care about you. Runaway thoughts were broken by Tony’s emergency stop. They all looked ahead and could clearly see your car parked by the road with Steve’s motorcycle propped up behind it. Tony pulled up and they all got out. Bucky immediately moved to the driver’s side of your car but was disappointed to find it empty.  
“Look, I’m all for a good game of hide and seek like the next idiot, but I would say they’re probably in the coffee shop back down the road considering how damn cold it is.” Tony stated whilst rubbing his arms.   
“The car’s dewy and there’s no mist inside, she hasn’t been in it for a while.” Nat responded, looking at Bucky the whole time, watching him move around the car and look at the road when he froze in position. Alarmed, Tony and Nat moved to join him and find out what he had seen. A cold chill went down Nat’s spine when she saw it. Black tyres marks headed towards your car, curved and dark- suggesting a medium to heavy vehicle at high speed stopped suddenly. Then Bucky lifted his head up and pointed out a few feet to another set of black tyre marks suggesting wheel spin acceleration. “Oh shit.” Was all Tony could mutter. Within seconds Nat got her mobile and began typing ferociously. Tony called for a team to pick up the car and motorcycle. All Bucky could do was blink away tears as his worst nightmare was being realised. As vicious and bloody images flooded his head, Nat shouted him over. She had accessed a CCTV camera at the park’s entrance. From it the three Avengers watched you march away from Steve, head to your car, and be grabbed by the masked men who took you and Steve into their van before driving off. The pain Bucky now experienced was deeper than any torture he had ever encountered before. Nat’s hand shook slightly as she went to turn the video off. Before she could, Tony took her phone, and used his own phone to search CCTV further down the road. Words came out of his mouth but Bucky wasn’t listening. The guilt and regret overwhelmed his every sense, he tasted blood that wasn’t his and could hear screams that weren’t familiar. Tony had found the van on another CCTV camera and pulled the license plate for F.R.I.D.A.Y to begin searching for. He then drove them to the compound, demanding they go and get suited up ready to find you and Steve. “- and I’ll wait at the compound in case y/n manages to activate her necklace.” Bucky’s ears perked up and he asked Tony what he meant. “Oh you were listening Sergeant! Y/n has a necklace that doubles as a GPS when she activates it. Once she does it’ll pin-point her exact location. I did insist on tracking her 24/7 but apparently that’s breaching her privacy or something boring like that.” A way to find y/n and hopefully Steve. Thank goodness! Now it was just a matter of praying she could switch it on…

 

Waking from an unnaturally deep sleep, the first thing you noticed was how cold your body felt. You moved your arm to reach for your bed cover but felt cold, hard… concrete? Waking yourself up, you turned to your side and gripped your head in pain. A throbbing headache distracted you from your environment, but not the voice that called out your name. You looked up passed your head, then noticed the single light bulb above you and the iron bars around you. Following the source of the voice, you were relieved to see Steve, except he wasn’t in the same cell as you. Cell? Where the hell are you? “Y/n, are you okay?” A slight quiver was detected in his unusually quiet voice. You crawled over to him, legs feeling stiff and head pounding.   
“Y-yeah I think so. What’s going on? What happened?”  
“I’d say we’re okay but I don’t know. Do you remember the park?” As he said it, images flicked through your mind: Steve looking scared, the man grabbing you, voices, seeing them take Steve, being dragged into the van- “Oh God,” the panic had sunk into your bones and your lungs shrunk from fear, “Steve- what do we do? What do they want? Oh my God.”  
“Hey it’s okay y/n.” He reached through the bars and held your face in his cold hands. “We are going to get out. I just need to find a way to get a message or a signal to the team…” His voice drifted off as he looked around, as did you. It was a large, grey, damp room which had six cells in total- three on your side and three on the opposite side- an open walkway running between them. Your two cells were the only ones occupied, that’s when you noticed the water dripping from the corner of Steve’s cell as well as the metal bench you each had. It looked large enough for you to lie on but definitely not Steve. It reminded you of the one in Tony’s workshop that you sat on like a waiting patient as he added the finishing touches to his present for you; not happy he had to add an activation button to the- “Oh my God!” You blurted out in surprise of your own foolishness. As Steve whipped his head round to ask you what was wrong, you had pulled out a silver rocket necklace from under your shirt. “A necklace?” He asked. You had taken it off from around your neck and held it in your hands. “From Tony,” You replied, sounding hopeful that you may actually be okay. Suddenly, a loud scrapping sound came from the large double doors to your left. Almost dropping the necklace, you quickly hid it in your underwear, not wanting it to be seen. Two men appeared from the doors and marched out, the small mousey looking one carrying a detection wand, the taller, dark-haired one a large rifle. You watched as they opened Steve’s cell door, the dark-haired soldier stood by it, aiming his weapon at Steve as the other soldier searched him. They took his watch and his shoes before leaving his cell and closing the door. Then it was your turn. Shaking, you looked at Steve for comfort as the soldier came in and spread your arms and legs. He waved the wand all over as you prayed that he wouldn’t pick up on the necklace. Your gaze never left Steve even as you felt wand move slower over your butt and chest, even as you watched Steve clench his jaw and edge closer to your cell, but he was shouted at and threatened with being shot. A satisfying sigh came from the mousey soldier however he was quickly disciplined by his partner. He then changed stance and moved the wand to your neck and head. It beeped when it reached your earrings, which you were told to remove. He then took your shoes and backed away, his eyes never leaving your body as he smiled to himself and locked your cell. When they left the room, you let out a deep breath as if you had been starved of air. Moving back towards Steve, you retrieved the necklace and checked it over. “I assume it’s not made of metal?” Steve enquired; eyebrow raised.  
You shrugged your shoulders, “I assume so. All I know is once activated it will send a GPS alarm to F.R.I.D.A.Y continuously for up to 72 hours.” Smiling half-heartedly at Steve, you pushed the little diamond window of the rocket until you heard a faint ‘click’ sound. “Done.” You sighed.  
“Excellent y/n. I’m sure glad one of us was smart enough to have something like that.” You certainly didn’t feel smart- you felt terrified- but as long as your friends were out there you knew they would come for you. Leaning against the cell wall, your thoughts drifted to Bucky. Whether he liked you or not, you missed him terribly and hoped he cared even just little to come and get you from this hellhole.

 

It had only been twenty minutes since Bucky and Nat had left the compound; but it felt like hours. “The van was last seen by an ATM camera near New York harbour, I’d head there and look for any disused warehouses or shipping containers.” Tony stated over the intercom.  
“Copy that.” Nat replied, piloting the quinjet to match their new co-ordinates. Once autopilot was engaged, Nat leant back in her chair and, switching of the outgoing connection to the intercom, she sighed loudly to get Bucky’s attention. “Okay Sergeant talk to me.” He looked blankly at her then back at his hands.   
“About what?”  
“Are you kidding me?” She shuffled in her sit to directly face him. “About Y/n. About whatever happened between you two that made her leave the compound late at night in the first place.” She knew it sounded harsh but she was hurting in her own way- worried about Steve but mostly terrified for you and what was happening to you. “It’s my fault,” Bucky mumbled, “She was upset with me because she thought I didn’t care about her.”  
“And can you blame her?” Nat’s words surprised Bucky enough to make him look up. “I know about you two. I know about your dinner date. I know how much she adores you. And I know about how you make her feel like she’s a shameful moment in time or an embarrassing lapse in judgement.” Hearing this come from Nat was difficult, had he really made you feel this way? “So you have to tell me right here and now Barnes- what is she to you?” Her words were filled with protective anger but the look in Nat’s eyes pleaded for the truth. Steve already knew the answer to this, it was time someone else did, even if it wasn’t y/n. “She is everything to me.” Bucky’s voice was quiet but each word came out sincere. Nat stayed quiet, eyes fixed on him, encouraging him to confess more. So he did. “Ever since Wakanda she has been the most important person in my life. When I first met her, I was convinced she would soon runaway, realising I was nothing more than the monster inside and couldn’t be saved. But I was wrong. I almost choked her to death and she still came back to me to try and help. I lost my mind when they tried to sedate me and reattach my arm but she was still there, backing me up and keeping me from going over the edge. Y/n has been the greatest thing to enter my life and I… fell in love with her because of it.” Silence filled the quinjet for a few seconds as that confession was processed by both of them. Bucky hasn’t heard himself say those words out loud before and he was afraid of how fragile it made him feel. Nat took a deep breath. “If you love her, then why haven’t you been open with her about it? Why haven’t you tried to give the relationship a go?”  
“Because I was terrified.” Bucky’s voice shook, a lump in his throat. “I haven’t told her because I’m afraid of being so vulnerable. I kept things quiet because I didn’t want someone to take her away or hurt her-“  
“Well you did an excellent job there!” Nat retorted. “If this situation proves anything, it’s that keeping things quiet doesn’t protect her. Y/n is well aware of the potential danger of being connected to the Avengers. Not to be rude but her research puts her at more risk than being affiliated with you.” Nat winked to try and ease the tension. Bucky remained quiet and considered everything he had heard. He didn’t even think about you already being a part of the Avengers, already have a risk placed on you. Maybe he had been overthinking it all?  
Tony’s voice disrupted their conversation, “We got them! Y/n’s activated the GPS, I’m sending the coordinates now- don’t start the party without me!”  
“Thank God! Thanks Tony, I can’t promise anything.” Replied Nat. Bucky’s adrenaline kicked in, now he could make up for his mistakes by rescuing you and Steve. “Hey Buck?”  
“Yes, Nat?”  
“Promise me that you’ll actually tell her the truth- that you’ll admit to her how you really feel?” Bucky gave her a lopsided smile and nodded. “Cause if you don’t,” She continued, “I’ll match her up with a guy from medical.”


	8. Now Is Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With help on the way, you and Steve have to keep going when you discover the reason behind your kidnapping. Can you keep yourself alive to make things up with Bucky?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished this damn fic! Thank you so so much for your patience and for sharing the love! I hope you enjoy the final chapter!
> 
> Warnings: threat to reader’s life  
> Words: 3.3k, there was so much to include in this chapter so just grab a hot drink and some biscuits.

Shivers began to set into your bones as you and Steve sat in silence, your backs against each other with iron bars in between. You don’t know how long you had waited since activating the GPS, but you had been feeling hungry for quite a while. Steve shuffled behind you and took a breath, “Hey, y/n?”  
“Yeah?” You matched his quiet, whispered tone.  
“Hear me out before you say anything. I wanted to apologise for getting us in this mess. When you asked me about Bucky, I had no idea it would upset you, and now I wish I thought more carefully about what I said. Past Bucky and Present Bucky are very different- he’s lost so much since the war and now, he’s terrified that anything good in his life is gonna be ripped from him. Does that make sense?”  
“What are you trying to tell me Steve? Please don’t spin me a story or-“  
“No y/n it’s not a story. Bucky cares about you a lot. You have completely won him over and he sees you as the one thing that keeps him human, that makes him vulnerable. He’s both in awe and in fear of that because he doesn’t know what he would do if he ever lost you, so he’s been keeping your relationship under wraps in the hope of protecting you from his past. But obviously that didn’t work as well as he wanted and that’s on me.”  
Tears had been silently marking your dusty cheeks as you listened to him. In a way, you knew deep down that this was why he never showed you off, but you just wanted him to be honest about it, to tell you how he felt. You sniffled and turned your body to face Steve, “Up until now I have had no clue how he feels about me. I haven’t known if he cared about me as a friend, as more or even at all. And technically he still hasn’t told me truly how he feels, so what am I supposed to do?”  
“Don’t worry, once this is over, I’ll make damn sure he declares everything to you,” Steve gave you a gentle smile as he spoke, “But without wanting to give too much away, what I will tell you is that I can see-“  
A loud bang startled you both as the double doors opened again. You both scrambled to stand up and watched as four new soldiers wheeled in a large machine. From what you could see, it was a metal frame which had a chair in the middle and two curved pieces either side of where the head of the sitter would be, wires protruding from it and connecting to small monitors. Your heart stopped and your stomach sank as you remembered Bucky describing a machine very similar to what you were seeing now. Looking over to Steve and seeing the horror on his face- you knew what it was. The soldiers were muttering to each other and then quickly stood to attention as a tall, blond gentleman in a business suit strolled in, clipboard in hand, and walked towards you with a politician’s smile. He was clean shaven but the lines on his face aged his appearance. You couldn’t help but feel like you knew who he was. He stood in front of Steve’s cell and looked him over. “Well, this is a marvellous surprise. I wasn’t expecting to have caught myself a super soldier quite yet but I won’t say no to an opportunity!” His voice was slightly high pitched and breathy with a slight Russian/British accent. The way he said ‘marvellous surprise’ stirred memories that you couldn’t quite see but you believed you did know him. He looked at you, gave you a huge smile and walked over to you, standing directly opposite. “Well Dr. Y/l/n, I am very sorry for the bizarre setting but you are a very difficult person to get a hold of! I have been a huge fan of your work for quite some time- discovery of connections between manifested anger and meditative techniques was truly a moment in history.”  
Like whiplash, your mind threw you back to a conference after the events of HYDRA being exposed, after it was discovered the Winter Soldier was real. You were part of a Q&A panel discussing criminal behaviour and agency under hypnotic influence, when a journalist naming himself ‘Alec’ interrupted you asking if it was possible there could be more applications to this knowledge. Despite your denying such information should be used in that way, he continued to suggest military use and accused you pulling the western world ‘behind the times’. As he was being dragged out by security, he shouted “We are on the tip of a moment in history and you are too proud to accept the potential for this marvellous and unique weaponry!”  
Snapping back to reality, you now knew who you were dealing with. “Don’t flatter me, I remember you.” You stated bluntly, crossing your arms as you spoke. “What do you want?” Alec laughed half-heartedly, looked over his shoulder to the soldiers who were still stood there, and looked back at you as he pushed his glasses up his nose. “From the conference I assume, yes? I guess my behaviour was rather foolish that day. But I am a different man now and this time I have a proposal to make. I have spent years gathering the equipment and the finances to develop a new Super Soldier program where we can create an army to protect western interests and strike terrorism where politics can’t. You said it yourself that politicians cannot and should not be given this level of power and it should be external to any political interests. I am speaking to you now with only humanity’s interests in mind. Everyday thousands of Earth’s citizens are killed as a result of war and the fight for control. I want to flip the balance and create a protection system which can infiltrate the planet’s greatest enemies and destroy them before they can take another life.” You watched his movements, seeing an anger mixed with grief in his face. He spoke with passion and conviction, almost admirably if it wasn’t for the fact that he had to kidnap you to have this discussion. Alec took a deep breath, “I have everything I need to begin this revolution except for three things: the research, a patient zero-“ He looked to Steve then back to you. “- and a lead scientist.” You scoffed at his attempt to recruit you. Taking a step back, you shook your head and put your hands on your hips, your gaze flicking between Alec and Steve, who had been quietly listening the whole time. “You’re insane! This revolution of yours is ludicrous and I will not take part in it.” Alec’s half smile disappeared. He pursed his lips, eyebrows lowering as he rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s very disappointing to hear Dr. Y/l/n. I was hoping you would volunteer to take part in this program, seeing as you’re the only one alive who has the knowledge.” He sighed as moved towards the machine and flicked the screens on. “The only problem is, you have no choice.” He clicked his fingers and the soldiers erupted from their trance, walking towards your cells. One man splintered from the others to stand near your cell door and as they opened Steve’s cell and went to grab him. Steve went to fight back when you heard the click of a gun being loaded and looked to your left to see the man aiming the gun at you and whistling to get Steve’s attention. The aggression died on Steve’s face as he took in the situation. Unclenching his fists and letting his arms drop, the three soldiers grabbed him and pushed him towards the machine. You screamed at Alec to stop, to let him go, but he didn’t look at you, as if pretending you didn’t exist.  
In that moment, a deep, bellowing, explosive sound was heard from above. It vibrated the floor and made the lightbulbs sway. All of the soldiers froze in place and flicked their eyes towards their leader, but Alec merely smiled. He then shouted rapidly in Russian and began to leave the room. The soldiers pushed Steve back into the cell, abandoned the machine and ran out through the doors as they all shouted into their radios. You reached through the bars for Steve, relieved that they didn’t hurt him. “What do you think that noise was?” You asked, having to push the air out of your panting lungs. Steve looked you in the eyes and smiled, “Back up, Doctor.”

 

Adrenaline flowed in Bucky’s veins as they reached closer to your and Steve’s location. After you activated the GPS, they discovered you were on a tanker just off the harbour. He and Nat had planned to jump down from the quinjet, but as it was daylight, the element of surprise was going to be difficult. That was, until Tony arrived and offered to distract any goons by drawing them to the front of the tanker with a “nice, good old-fashioned explosion”. Seeing Tony’s handywork, they waited 60 seconds before jumping out and landing on the back, immediately heading downstairs and splitting off. Heart thumping, Bucky prayed you were okay and that Steve was keeping you safe. He rapidly swept the corridor and made his way down another level when four soldiers almost ran straight into him. They froze, realising who was in front of them, and Bucky used this opportunity to quickly incapacitate three of them and held a knife to the fourth. “Where are they?” He spat, his voice harsh and cold. The soldier stuttered, fear gripping his voice box, “W-who?” Bucky threw him against the wall, his rage blinding him.   
“You know who! Where are they!?” His voice echoed off of the walls. The soldier was shaking from terror and pointed back in the direction he had come from. Without a word, Bucky grabbed his shoulder and dragged him along to guide the way.

You were pacing your cell as Steve tried to find a weak spot in the walls or the cell bars. The lights had long since gone out and the noise above you was quiet but continuous- shouting, bullets, explosions. It was relieving to know you were going to be saved, but you couldn’t help but remember Alec’s smile- did he know this was going to happen? Was this the plan all along? The paranoia and darkness plagued you to the point where you lost track of time. As the frustration built inside you to breaking point, the double doors flew open and a screaming figure was thrown into the room. Steve called to you and you held his hand for reassurance. Straining to see who it was, a tall dark figure stormed in, flashing a torch around the room. As the light landed on you, blinding you momentarily, you heard the figure shout your name and run over- it was Bucky. Relieved, you ran to the edge of the cell and reached out for his face, just glad to feel him again and know it was real. “Hey doll, are you okay?” He asked breathlessly.  
“Yes yes, oh God I’m so glad to see you!” You stuttered in response. Going back to the unconscious soldier on the floor, Bucky grabbed some keys and quickly unlocked the cells, Steve’s first then yours. As he opened your cell, you embraced each other, your hands on the back of his head and neck, feeling his hair in your fingertips. Bucky had wrapped his arms around you, whispering “I’m so sorry” over and over again. You wanted to cry but had no tears to give, so instead kept kissing the side of his head; he then pulled away and kissed your lips. It was small but deep, every emotion felt in that single moment. As your lips parted, he kissed forehead and kept his arm around you as you both walked towards Steve, who had been gathering weapons from the soldier. You felt Bucky stop moving and gasp when he finally saw the machine. “Is that…” he began. You interrupted him as you took his hands in yours.   
“The leader is called Alec; he wants to set up a new winter soldier program and needs me to start it. He’s tried to persuade me before but was kicked out before he had a chance.” You scanned Bucky’s face for a reaction, knowing he was trying to establish if it was his fault you were kidnapped. Steve added, “This had nothing to do with you, Buck. They’d been watching her for a while.” The men nodded to each other and Bucky informed Tony and Nat he had found you both via his earpiece. “So how are we getting out of this place, Buck?” Steve asked. Taking your hand in his, Bucky led you both through the double doors, “Follow me.”

 

The shouting and the guns got louder, so you knew you were getting closer to freedom. As you ran through the corridors, you realised from the layout that you were on a huge ship of some kind. Sandwiched between two super soldiers, you felt safer than ever, but you couldn’t help but feel like something wasn’t right, like something was missing. Running barefoot was difficult and your feet started to ache quite quickly, but luckily it didn’t take long the reach the deck level. As you got up there, two soldiers appeared out of nowhere and seemed just as surprised to see you. Steve and Bucky very quickly fought them and knocked them unconscious, taking weapons and continuing their path to the back of the ship. As you followed them, you noticed they had left a small knife which one of the soldiers had in his belt. An instinct caused you to take it, and you ran to catch up with the boys.  
Turning the corner, you saw the guys fighting off a group of soldiers with Tony and Nat while the quinjet hovered above you. When the soldiers were dealt with, Tony guided the quinjet onto the deck of the tanker and Steve was hugging Nat. Bucky turned to you with a smile, which quickly changed as his face contorted and he began to shout, “Watch out!” As you registered the words, you suddenly felt an arm wrap around you from the left side and you saw the flash of a knife in your right peripheral vision as you felt it flush against your throat. Bucky’s shout caused the rest of the team and stop and watch in shock. “Nice try Avengers!” You heard Alec’s voice shout from behind you, “But I have been waiting for too long for you to take my prize away! I WILL create my army and I WILL be taking your precious doctor with me!” As he spoke, you could hear the sound of a helicopter and judging by Nat’s gaze, it was landing on the tanker quite a way behind you. “Now all of you are going to stay where you are or I’ll kill her!” You felt Alec pull you back and slowly walk you down towards his escape. Tears were quickly soaking your face as the situation became real- Alec was using you as a shield so none of your friends could do anything to save you. Although you knew he needed you, you believed he would kill you if he thought his plan had failed. But the one thing no one had expected was that you were armed. Winking at Nat- who knitted her eyebrows momentarily then nodded in realisation- your right hand reached for the knife you had hidden in your trousers, and quickly you made your defensive move. Battling with the arm wrapped around you, you used your left hand to grab Alec’s fist holding his knife and twisted it away from your throat just as you stabbed his forearm with your own weapon. The scream that followed was deafening and raw. You pulled yourself away from him and fell to the ground face down, just as you heard two gunshots. Looking up, you could see Nat had her gun trained on Alec and you flicked your head back just as he fell to the ground. At this point your senses overloaded and you blacked out, the last thing you felt was a metal hand caress your face.

 

You felt a pain in your neck as you woke. Your eyes fluttered open and you could see Bucky talking to Steve a distance away from you. There was movement to your right and you saw Nat smiling at you as she got you a drink. “Nice moves!” she smiled, helping you sit up slightly and take a sip.   
“Nice shot!” You replied; your voice hoarse. The words vibrated your throat and made the pain worse, causing you to groan.   
“Careful,” Nat warned, “Your neck was cut a bit so I had a do little stitching to help it heal.” As she moved away to take the drink, you looked around and realised you were in the quinjet lying on a camp bed. Taking care, you moved to sit up properly. “Hey Rambo!” Tony walked over and gave you a small hug, taking care not to knock the bandage on your neck. Hearing the commotion, Steve and Bucky came over, relieved you were okay. “I’m impressed, y/n,” Steve said, moving to hug you after Tony, “Where did you get those moves?”  
You looked to Nat who winked at you, “I learned from the best.” You whispered, not wanting to agitate your wound. Steve, Nat and Tony walked back to the front of the quinjet, leaving you and Bucky to sit together quietly. It was awkward at first, neither of you knowing what to say or who should speak. So instead you took Bucky’s hand and squeezed it. He smiled and lifted your hand up to his lips, kissing it gently. “I’m sorry.” Bucky declared.  
“It wasn’t your fault, Bucky. They had already planned on taking me before you came along. I should be sorry for getting your best friend involved!”  
“Steve gets his ass into trouble all the time, trust me.” Bucky chuckled, you tried not to laugh too much. He held your face in his flesh hand and looked into your eyes. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like I didn’t care. I’m sorry that I made you feel like a mistake because I swear you have been the best thing to ever happen to me.” You gave him a little smile as he moved to kneel down in front of you. “I spent too much time being afraid of losing you to HYDRA or a disaster that I didn’t realise I was the disaster. Not only that but I underestimated you- forgetting you had been involved in the Avengers for way longer that I have; hell I was shocked when you stabbed that guy, until Nat whipped out her gun and then I realised she had probably been training you for these situations.” He took your hands in his and took a deep breath. “What I’m trying to say is, I didn’t realise how much I didn’t know about you, but with each new fact I’ve fallen for you even more. I… I love you y/n. I spent too long being afraid of it but now I’m ready to take that step with you.”  
Hearing those words rendered you speechless, your heart felt like it swelled. “I love you too James.” The only words you could reply with as you leant forward and kissed him deeply. You pressed your hands onto his cheeks as he held your hips. You had kissed each other many times before, but this felt different. This time you were both opening up to each other, showing vulnerability without fear. This time you were both ready.


End file.
